I was 21 and he was 24 , it was 2009 and the summer was about to take off in a two stop light town in upstate NY , He was 6ft and some change with a beard a pickup truck and plenty of character. His name ,well let's just call him Clark for the sake of anonymity .
He was in love with my best friend who was not in love with him or so she said. With her blessing one night I struck up a conversation and before I knew it we were inseparable. It was peaceful and fun. We spent time out at his dads place on the farm, time with our friends out enjoying beers and laughter and of course burying trucks in mud and gliding down the river inside a tractor tire .
We also had these quiet moments where it was comfortable and for me it was the most peaceful and joyful and not toxic relationship I had experienced. It scared me , but I loved him. He grew quiet and I got scared , I went to my friend and cried everything out to her and she told me that if we weren't making each other happy that I should leave .
I had so many un repaired relationships with my family at the time and had the chance to go home to them . My rent was about to increase and I had to make a decision . Yes my parents lived 20 minutes away ,but the situation with them was tense due my testifying against my older brother for molesting my younger sisters. He was at that time incarcerated and my parents wanted me to return home to start court ordered family counseling in order for them to regain custody of my eight younger siblings who were at that time living in foster care for the last two years.
In the midst of all of this I didn't belong in that town and I knew it . I felt myself becoming overwhelmed and I knew I had to do something or anything to change things. I needed a way to work it out and to not cause misery to the person I cared for so much . So I broke up with him. I moved a few weeks later into my parents attic apartment .
That next few weekends later ,I would find my way to my bestie's house and I was explaining how I missed him and how I wanted to see him and she told me "He is happy Joanie" !, Don't fuck it up" . We went on to listen to music and fall asleep. I left early the next morning and headed back to the next town over. I went on with life , got a job at the local French fry joint ,enrolled in GED classes and kept it moving.
What does this little flashback have to do with anything ? Well it's 2024 and social media leaves the possibility of being found and reconnection even more convenient Clark sent me a request to connect . Right away my heart was in my chest ..20 years and so much life and 9 hours of conversation and reconnecting and I am emotional because yes I love this person dearly. He was a beloved friend when I was vulnerable and he saw me . Somehow he loved me for me .
I am too grown to rush to any crazy fairy tale type notions , but I do know I am up late looking at airfare and calendars because I need to sit and have that cup of coffee , get irritated when he mocks me for doing short people stuff and laugh into the night at each-other . To have those conversations about aliens and machines and genesis , all things I held dear in my heart as I remember our fondest moments.
After experiencing loss of loved ones due to covid, suicide , drug overdoses and withdrawals I have no time to waste when it comes to relationships and people . I know that sometimes you get another chance . Living away from where you grew up you miss celebrating the big and the little moments . Being present is so important even at a distance . I can't explain exactly what I mean but if you know you know ..
It is knowing he is ok and he has continued to live out his adventurous life , it is one more chance to celebrate friendship and future while modern technology continues to open the door for yesterday to find you.