Hi there! I know it has been a long coffee break since my last blog post. I am excited to say that is because I have been ebbing deeply in this creative flow. I have been designing and tweaking the rest of this website so that I can bring you the most luxurious and beautiful experience within this digital space. I have been reaching out to other creative sources to bring you some exciting articles in the near future. More about this is coming soon! I promise!
In the mean time I would like to share with you some of what has helped to reignite my creative fires within. In my last post I was sharing some of the turmoil I have experienced in life . Those experiences left me in a state of disconnect, anxiety,distrust ,and insecurity.Which in turn left me in a state of somewhere between lost and suffocating. The world might have witnessed me as bold and fearless.. and somewhere inside of myself I was . Between my surface and the very depth of my soul I was compartmentalizing and burying my feelings of grief and anger.
I knew I could not live this way for too much longer, but where does one go for help with internal emotional damage? Doctors treat the symptoms , Psychologists analyze and medicate, Religion enables weakness and judges. All roads lead to assigning labels. None really provide more than a temporary band aid.
I talked on some level with a friend or two but either they were lost in similar struggle and it was the blind leading the blind, or it was just uncomfortable for them to cope with the weight of my emotional baggage. I looked around the self-help aisle at my local library. I even googled my emotions or at this point lack thereof.The longer I compartmentalized the more isolated I became from my ability to express my emotions. All the while this was impacting my life in an unhealthy and semi destructive way.
I kept looking for answers, repressing emotions, sleeping away the reality of all that I was internalizing.The other thing I continued to do was throw myself further into the suffering of others so as not to leave room to acknowledge my own demons.I buried myself in busy and then one day I turned a corner and met someone who would encourage me to look a little deeper .
I will save details of that meet cute for another post! I will say that when we call into the universe an intention , the universe listens and answers.
I was on face-book looking at some meme , and I stumbled upon a video that would open the depths of my soul. I was both inspired and curious. I was equally skeptical,but I was ready to embrace the emotional, spiritual soul shifting that I am currently embracing. I know its more than feel good b.s. because I am sitting here creating and sharing from a place of unapologetic openness in a way I didn't know was possible.
Enter the coach , I call her Paula. She is vibrant warm and intuitive woman. Her own story is incredibly inspiring . I invite you to visit her website to see for yourself just how amazing she is. I listened to her talk about being an empowered woman. She explained in her own way how we have archetypes within us that become disconnected, and that when I would work through a guided process I could experience a connectivity that would allow me to become the empowered woman I know I was brought here to this earth to be.
I had my doubts but with everything bubbling under the surface I scheduled a video call with her. I was instantly aware of how much we were sharing of ourselves in just the first minutes of that call. I knew that she was going to be the guide who helped me to move through the dark places, unpack and remove the emotional destruction I had so neatly buried in the back of my hearts closet. I knew she would call me out on the low places I was still in denial of and I knew she would respect my sensitivity. I don't know how I knew this but I knew it.
I was afraid to give myself this help. To spend the time or money seemed ridiculous to me. I could see how I was depriving myself in the name of being practical. Paula teaches about the power of receiving. I realized was saying I was not worth it. I was devaluing myself. I took a day and thought it over and then I silenced the negative voice that wanted me to stay in the emotional mire I was swimming in and I enrolled in the Wild woman immersion program. This would be a group experience via video calls and modules with concepts of forgiveness, vulnerability exercises , specific questions ,sharing(soul baring)conversations.
From this I have connected with myself on a level I used to be afraid of. I am aware of who I am and what I am worth. I fully own who I am and I receive all that the universe has to offer me. This process hasn't erased the pages of turmoil I had shared in my previous blog. It has however guided me to a place of inner peace. Instead of living the life I felt obligated to live,or keeping up with a profession that was taking more from me that it was giving I am pursuing other avenues of income.I am creating in a manner that is truly satisfying. I am showing up in life where I might otherwise have missed if I had stayed stuck. I know that embracing this process really helped me to step out of my own way. I am learning still to love myself and know that this journey with Paula is just beginning.
To learn more about the Wild Woman Immersion Program or the power of receiving programs and to learn more about Paula you can go to www.paulalacobara.com. To learn more about my journey I invite you to continue to join me here.